This is being re-posted from the Access Consciousness Blog
Being single is not bad and awful, yet so many people assume that relationship, like oxygen, is an absolute necessity in life.
What have you decided you need a relationship for? To feel complete? To gain credence and avoid the stigma of being single?
“Relationship is about contributing to each other—not about owning one another,” Co-creator of Access Consciousness Brendon Watt said recently on the Creative Edge of Consciousness call.
Brendon, and Worldwide Coordinator of Access Simone Milasas, have written a book called Relationship: are you sure you want one?
They chose that title to spark curiosity about the many different choices are available in a relationship. Firstly, are you sure you want one? If so, what kind of relationship do you desire?
The ideal relationship is the one that works for you, not the one that tradition or family and friends say is best.
“How many conclusions do you currently have about what a relationship has to look like that you’re unwilling to acknowledge?” Simone queried.
Have you secretly decided that your man has to look a certain way? For instance, he must be 6’2” with a full head of hair, drive a nice car and have a certain level of education. How many men have decided what their woman has to look like? They must be younger, have blonde hair, blue eyes…
As Simone pointed out, “When Brendon and I first chose to be in a relationship—he is 11 years younger than I, has a kid and a dog…He came with a hell of a lot debt, which I didn’t realize until much later. But then I had my idiosyncrasies as well. I didn’t look at it and say, this is not the perfect man for me. We enjoyed each other. We said, this seems like fun, so let’s choose this.”
This is a very different way to create relationship. What’s considered normal is having an element of drama or at the very least, complaining about the other person for not living up to your expectations.
“Are you looking to have a predictable relationship and a predictable life by always having that blame, shame, regret and guilt that goes on?” Simone said.
“Rather than asking, how the hell did I get so lucky to have such an amazing person in my life and what can we create together?”
Every single day, if you were grateful for the person you chose to be in relationship with because they’re living and breathing and a contribution to you, that would change your relationship.
“If you’re not in gratitude for your partner, you’re in projections, expectations, separations, judgments and rejections,” Brendon added.
“If you’re not in gratitude, you’re already in separation based on who you’ve decided they need to be for you, not who they can be for you.”